having a yearning heart

How is it Thursday? I could have sworn it was Wednesday. Do you ever lose days like that? I think I do like once a week. Sheesh. Sorry. Off topic. Anyway... Happy Thursday? I guess? 🤷

I don't understand my own brain. I can forget what day it is (like, frequently) and then I go to read scripture and I understand it more than I ever have before. What's that about? I've been an "adult" for over 14 years... (hahahaha seriously???) How is it that my brain is just now beginning to process the Bible? Growing up, I read it now and then and I was in church practically every week, even multiple times a week. I know the gist of it, and maybe that's why I never felt too compelled to read it? Who knows.

But lately when I read it, especially with this reading plan, I think, hey, what are they even talking about here. Like, the words in front of me aren't enough to make sense. So I have to read what is before it or after it, and for some reason now, I feel like I understand what I'm reading. Honestly I have to credit it to Cross Style Church in Lebanon TN, because while Eric went to school there, I also learned A LOT just from attending church services 3 times a week and listening to Dr. Manley (and others) preach.

So today I read this scripture:

Job 19:21-29
21 “Have pity on me, have pity on me, O you my friends,
For the hand of God has struck me!
22 Why do you persecute me as God does,
And are not satisfied with my flesh? 

23 “Oh, that my words were written!
Oh, that they were inscribed in a book!
24 That they were engraved on a rock
With an iron pen and lead, forever!
25 For I know that my Redeemer lives,
And He shall stand at last on the earth;
26 And after my skin is destroyed, this I know,
That in my flesh I shall see God,
27 Whom I shall see for myself,
And my eyes shall behold, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!
28 If you should say, ‘How shall we persecute him?’—
Since the root of the matter is found in me,
29 Be afraid of the sword for yourselves;
For wrath brings the punishment of the sword,
That you may know there is a judgment.”

My first thought was "who else is picking on Job?" after reading 21 & 22. And as I kept reading I thought how cool it was that Job still was excited to see God even though he keeps saying that God is the one persecuting him.

So after I read it, I looked up the whole chapter 19. And verse 1 said "And Job answered and said:" So I had to know who Job was answering to, obviously. Chapter 18 begins "Then Bildad the Shuhite answered and said:" and I had no idea who that was... but when I searched I quickly found out that it's one of Job's 3 friends who came to talk to him. If you skim over Chapter 18 (I didn't read it, just glanced over it quickly...) you'll see that basically Bildad is just balling Job out. Like, dude, that's not what friends are for! Some time after Lent is over I'm going to have to go back and start at the beginning of Job and figure out what the heck is happening. Anyways...

So in the midst of his struggles, Job's friends come visit and are giving him grief because they think whatever he's going through is his own fault and he is being punished by God. Job knows that's not true, and he calls his friends out saying "Why do you persecute me as God does?" and goes on to tell them how much his heart yearns to see the Lord.

That's pretty impressive, if you stop and think about it. I'm pretty blessed to have amazing friends in my life. I can't imagine going through this past season without them. If they had come to me saying that everything hubby and I were going through was our own fault, that we had obviously done something wrong to deserve the punishment, that they thought the root of the problem was inside us, man! I don't think I would have survived! But Job did, and he did it still praising God. Still eager to see Him in the end. That's incredible!

I will be praying today that we can all have Job's yearning heart, even in the middle of our circumstances.

Side note: Maddie woke up toward the end of this and so I had a super cute baby cuddle session. Here's a random picture.